Think your work day started off grimly? Well, as long as you were not involved in the crash this morning on Interstate 790, your day was probably okay. At 6:45am, two northbound tractor trailers collided, beginning a chain reaction crash that ultimately included four tractor trailers and 14 cars, several injuries, and fatalities.
The mechanical mess was so great and chaotic that police officers on the scene had trouble identifying passengers and drivers with their cars, according to Police Sgt. Albert Wei.
“When I arrived,” says Fire Chief Tony Sullivan, “it looked like a war zone with bodies laying along the road, people covered with blood next to their cars, emergency workers running from place to place trying to help the injured, and sirens wailing in the distance.” Firemen had to actually cut the roofs off of three cars in order to reach the passengers inside. The city’s total number of ambulances were deployed to the scene, and back up was called from four nearby cities. The crash, says Sullivan, had a total of two fatalities both belonging to car drivers. Twenty others were injured, four seriously. Two of the worst injuries were air-lifted to the trauma center in Statesville. “In the 18 and a half years I’ve been with the fire department,” says Sullivan, “I’ve never seen anything that bad.”
The multi-vehicle crash has completely close Interstate 790, and traffic has been rerouted to Interstate 690. As of 10am this morning, traffic on the east side of the city was still backed up as it had been for three hours and without an idea of when it will reopen, according to Wei.
I think you had some good ideas, but not completely structured right. I liked the begining few words, but then it dropped off and i felt like you were writing for a little kid. Ex. saying "your day was probably okay" might be good for some people,i just felt that it made the story less professional. Also, Tesha said there were not quotes in the story so not to use them, I think, unless I interpreted what she said wrong.. Just simple mistakes for the first story. Mine isnt great either. I do like the way you started it off however!
ReplyDeleteI like the way your story started out but I would have to agree with Ashley. I think maybe some of the wording could be changed around a little to make the story sound better. Overall you did a good job for your first story. Now you can take the advice from this story and produce an even better second story!!
ReplyDeleteThe lead did not grab me or let me know how tragic the situation was. If I hadn't been familiar with the story I wouldn't have been certain what I was reading about. There is a lot of information piled in a small space, but I thought that the car that ran into the tanker was compelling.
ReplyDeleteI liked how you talked to the reader in your lead and didn't just state the facts--it was different, but good. I don't think that there were supposed to be quotes in the story like Ashley said, so you could have maybe changed that. I also think that a few of the details in your story weren't necessary, but overall it was good!
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